August 29th, 2020

On a typical day, the most you'll find in my picture captions are short, quirky quotes paired with a relating emoji. But today is not a typical day because... well, pretty much nothing in 2020 has been typical... so on that note, I feel inspired (or the need) to say more.

Being quite honest... this year has been a struuuuuggle. During a "normal" year, my family and I create a giant Summer bucket list. We go on day trip adventures to places we've never been, have countless play-dates with friends and family and when we're not exploring we spend the entire day soaking up the sun and the sand at the local lake.

This has not been the case for 2020.

Everything has changed, so much is unknown and handling uncertainty is not my strong suit. Prior to this year I had been dealing with what I considered low level anxiety/depression.. this year it blew up to entirely different levels.

I canceled current and future plans and retreated to my home. I became distant, stopped taking care of myself and quit doing the things I enjoy. Even when I did spend time with my family, I wasn't REALLY there. I was constantly overanalyzing the past and worrying about the future.

I kept telling myself that sooner or later I would snap out of it and the mental fog I was living in would disappear on it's own. Time passed. Nothing changed and I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to feel better, I was going to have to make the choice to be better.

After making purposeful lifestyle changes and really putting in the hard work, I am finally out of the fog and life looks so bright again. I have learned many lessons in this process, but as I was scrolling through pictures today, this picture reminded me of what I believe is the most important one (here comes the quote/emoji caption):

"Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life... Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now." (Eckhart Tolle) 🤯🖤

This picture of my friends daughter was taken during one of the very few playdates we had this year. The day I took this was one of my less foggy days I and remember how grateful I felt for everything and everyone... the kids laughing, the sunshine, a great friend to talk to, the simple things... and that's the thing... I had been SO consumed with the past and the future that I was completely missing the present, which is really all there ever is.

If you want to feel good in the future, you have to feel good in the now. The present moment is all you really ever have.

In the spirit of honesty, I will also tell you that being this raw and open publicly is pretty terrifying for me, but I know it's important. Through my 2020 journey I have had conversations with so many people struggling in similar ways. Talking helps. Knowing you're not the only one helps. Even if you aren't ready to talk, just being in the company of a loved one helps.

You are not alone.

You are loved and you are worthy.

#mentalhealthmatters #bepresent

Sending love and hippie vibes forever,
XOXO, Michelle

(Now I am going to run away from my phone before I change my mind and delete this post!)